Forums  

Go Back   Forums > (38), Enjoy a drink and a laugh at the oldest pub in Wales

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 05-02-2019, 07:28 PM
carlys_guy's Avatar
carlys_guy carlys_guy is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: NEW ENGLAND U.S.A.
Posts: 1,074
Default

good one holly.

carlys_guy
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 05-02-2019, 10:52 PM
Holly Goodhead's Avatar
Holly Goodhead Holly Goodhead is offline
Administrator
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Hay-on-Wye in Wales
Posts: 3,997
Default

Thank you, and another Landrover one from Timbo.

What do the Titanic and a Land Rover have in common? It has the same turning circle and is just as waterproof
Holly
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 06-02-2019, 02:46 AM
carlys_guy's Avatar
carlys_guy carlys_guy is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: NEW ENGLAND U.S.A.
Posts: 1,074
Default

wow that's poor turning radius. i had a 66 ford bronco that could make a U turn when parked on the side of a two lane road.

carlys_guy
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 06-02-2019, 06:39 PM
Holly Goodhead's Avatar
Holly Goodhead Holly Goodhead is offline
Administrator
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Hay-on-Wye in Wales
Posts: 3,997
Default

Well yes they are really bad as I found out myself
Holly
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 06-02-2019, 06:42 PM
Holly Goodhead's Avatar
Holly Goodhead Holly Goodhead is offline
Administrator
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Hay-on-Wye in Wales
Posts: 3,997
Default

Here is one from Bob, Woman and Baby

Woman & baby go to docs. Doc is concerned about babys weight. "Is he bottle or breast fed" he asks. "Breast fed" says woman. He asks her to strip to the waist, pinches & sucks her nipples & rubs both tits for a while. "no wonder he's under weight you've no milk" . "I know" says the woman "I'm his gran, but I'm f***ing glad I came"

And here is one from me

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway. Nothing
is moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver
rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped all the MPs, and are asking
for a £10 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going
to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire. We are
going from car to car, taking up a collection."

"How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks.

The man replies, "About a gallon".
Holly
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 06-02-2019, 08:49 PM
carlys_guy's Avatar
carlys_guy carlys_guy is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: NEW ENGLAND U.S.A.
Posts: 1,074
Default

a couple of good ones there holly.

carlys_guy
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 22-02-2019, 09:01 PM
Holly Goodhead's Avatar
Holly Goodhead Holly Goodhead is offline
Administrator
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Hay-on-Wye in Wales
Posts: 3,997
Default

So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living.

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was flown, sparks flew, and smoke filled the air - but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine.


Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free. Somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train. Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people. The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution. For his final meal, the man requested two bananas. After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was once again unharmed.


Well, this of course meant that he was free to go. And once again, he somehow managed to get his old job back. To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people. And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death. On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal: three bananas.


"You know what? No," said the executioner. "I've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I'm not giving you a thing to eat; we're strapping you in and doing this now." Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped in to the electric chair without a last meal. The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was still unharmed. The executioner was speechless.

The man looked at the executioner and said, "Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I'm just a bad conductor."
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 08-03-2019, 06:26 PM
Holly Goodhead's Avatar
Holly Goodhead Holly Goodhead is offline
Administrator
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Hay-on-Wye in Wales
Posts: 3,997
Default

Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 08-03-2019, 10:55 PM
carlys_guy's Avatar
carlys_guy carlys_guy is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: NEW ENGLAND U.S.A.
Posts: 1,074
Default

some good jokes here thanks for posting them.

carlys_guy
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 02-04-2019, 11:49 AM
Holly Goodhead's Avatar
Holly Goodhead Holly Goodhead is offline
Administrator
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Hay-on-Wye in Wales
Posts: 3,997
Talking The Female Dantist

The female dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot.

“No way! No needles. I hate needles” the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects.

“I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on suffocates me!”

The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.

“No objection,” the patient says. “'I'm fine with pills.” The dentist then returns and says, “Here's a Viagra.”

The patient says, “Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!”

“It doesn't” said the dentist, “but it's going to give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth
__________________
, you may be, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KeMOuPR7Zbo
But now Kembles Thertre Usherette
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 05:38 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.